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(Take these memories)

[22 Jan 2004|03:49pm]

hey hey hey hey hey hey heyyyyy

newlive journal for ya..



wellll there ya go.. add away

(2 Don't need them | Take these memories)

[16 Jan 2004|04:15pm]
ive been thinking of making a new journal for i notice more and more I am the one person who has the same journal name as screen name.. how cool.. yea I know.

anyways.. I have str8up_kewl.. hahahah I looooove it
but maybe others.. all one big disicion

(1 Don't need them | Take these memories)

[16 Jan 2004|12:08am]
I'm really not in the mood to have school tomarrow..

oh em eff gee.


if I could.. I would have pissed myself after seeing that

I will get tickets! if not.. I'll seriously like stand outside the harbor yard and put my ear up to the wall with hopes I'll be able to hear them somewhat..


(1 Don't need them | Take these memories)

[15 Jan 2004|06:55pm]

I didn't know morose was bad.. I just thought it was kinda tricky that it has the word rose in it

(2 Don't need them | Take these memories)

[15 Jan 2004|01:24pm]
[ mood | morose.. what a pretty word ]

swear to god.. last night I had a six pack..

it was a moment of glory.. and it's gone.

I've faded no longer as red..

Today is no school.. yayaya.. I've begun to clean my room.. sorted through my mass amount of clothes..

Moms agreed she would take me steph and deen to something corporate then go meet her pals up in Hartford. :) ..maybe she'll take us to Mest & Fall Out BOI too..

I started doing workout thingys.. I will be buff.. maybe, no.. not really.. I always exersice and then 15 minutes find myself eating.. it's a vicious cycle.

I want to make white hot chocolate... but I have no cream:(

(1 Don't need them | Take these memories)

iee [14 Jan 2004|10:22pm]
[ mood | hot.. yet chilly ]

I'm going to something corporate! yeeeyeahh.. sucks so bad about london, stupid people.. baah.. maybe I'll get to go somewhere else?!.. or SNOWBOARDING!:) welll.. School totally blew today. I had a history test, the science, then spanish, then math, then a health quiz... totally sucked. I went tanning.. again.. and I am an f'ing tomato.. well certain parts of me are at least?.. Steph, Sarah and Jess came over for like an hour then we tanned and me and steph went to kileys to whip steph into science mode. took a good 4 hours? but I think we made progress. She seems to grasp it all.. yeah well cool. I'm not really caring if we have school or not.. if not me and deen are sledding or rolling down snowy hills. If not lots of review for Midterms which I must do well on. Looking forward towards the weekend.

I need to go aloe myself.. I'm hot hot hot..

OC was on tonight.. Oliver is such a scumbag.. yeah he is.

(5 Don't need them | Take these memories)

whuuutt aaaappp [12 Jan 2004|11:14pm]
[ mood | wet.. as in my scalp ]

yo now and then is an off the hook movie.. shit yeah it is.
hmm.. today I went food shopping and had soccer..

food shopping was extreme.. I love getting food it gets so intense at times. stupid cart.. wouldn't move, my arms are gunna be so sore from pushing it!

Soccer was a drag. Merideth didn't show up.. my only friend might I add. So I just kind of screwed up every play and was in the way.. It was good fun.

School wasn't too bad.. I rocked my emo jacket..faggits..
I ended up doing well on this english thing.. good think I sit next to Dan Yeppes.. god bless you..

(5 Don't need them | Take these memories)

eww [11 Jan 2004|01:06pm]
[ mood | empty? ]

eh..lots of work today.. lots of it.

I have a b+ in english:).. I'm as happy as can be seeing I had thehunch I was failing. My grades feel like MAD this marking period. I'm a fucking idiot and I can't believe I did that but hey.. I'm a fucking idiot! adding to that. I feel like shhhiiiat. I don't want to care anymore. usually I don't but when I see something I start to again. I don't matter anymore which is fine.. I never really did but it's kind of like half a year.. gone. tooo bad. it was all bullshit anyways..

I slept over ERICAS.. oh yes I did:) I was so nice to hang out with her again.. it's been awhile.. a real long while. I miss all those girls I saw casey and emily and there guys too.. ah but I have my pals this year:) and they're totally kick ass.. yeah KICK ASS

I went tanning today.. oh yeeeeyeah.. haha one too many people have said "you look sick" or "are you okay? , you look pale" even though it's winter and we're suppose to be white.. having a lighter shade than clear would be pretty tricky i'd say.

(8 Don't need them | Take these memories)

cheeeckkk itt [05 Jan 2004|11:01pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

I'm feeling okay today:).. from hearing all that I've heard, I'm full of regrets but I can't really undo it all.

It hurts to feel this stupid. I denied so many things to myself even though I knew they were still true just to make myself feel okay. I think the more I hear of it, the better off I am. Sure, I've had 2 meltdowns in the past two days.. but I feel okay somehow. I'm embarrased of my stupidity but there's nothing to go back on anymore. I can't say I'm not hurt, for I am but not for the same reasons I thought. I guess I wish I could have been good enough? but I am what I am.. shit does that sound cool!

Steph came over.. then billy..then taylor. and I did have fun. I smiled.. and I meant to.. without regretting it. I'm hoping I can stay positive... it's hard to see her.. I try hard to say what he thinks can't matter but it hurts just to know how much better she is than me. I've felt that way the whole time anyways... it's still hard knowing I did everything I could to make him happy.. but it was useless because I'm not her. I just wish I knew earlier.. and I knew that I really didn't mean anything.. and my fears really were right.

(5 Don't need them | Take these memories)

shit shit.. [01 Jan 2004|07:05pm]
alright alright.. I was just sitting about to eat my breakfast.. well no i ate it, and I remember I forgot to say about my wonderfukl cookie!

sure ..it's just a cookie, IT IS NOT! food as well as cookies get me more excited than any other thing so I must inform you..

garhidelli? idk idk.. but that places cookies are soooooooooooooooo good they are like the size of a pancake.. yet over 1 inch thick<3 ah... yeah.. they are good.

(1 Don't need them | Take these memories)

I hear 50 gets his done there.. [01 Jan 2004|06:38pm]


damn.. I wrote this long ass entry which I thought posted before I left.. it was a good one two.. cheery i'd say. baaaahh

San Fran was pretty pointless but I got to shop? which is something I do everyday anyways? I would have much rather been home for new years. I wanted to be at Scotts with all buudddiiess.. but whatever whatever..s eemed liek they all have a good time:) BC did win.. and dan gave me his MP3 player..hip hip.

Can't wait to get home. I'm in this admirals club thing for american airlines.. preetttyy damn shnazy I'd say. I need food, oh yes I do. they have those strawberry candies at the front desk:) ya know the ones with the gooie? stuff in the middle.. yumm. it's pretty early.. well here its 6:32 but homeits like 9:34 so not too bad.

Well.. all you girls who said your coming over tonight apparently .. you shall.. bring BOYS!he he... jk.. bring whoever you want.. this is pretty damn tricky..

(4 Don't need them | Take these memories)

check it.. [28 Dec 2003|01:16pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

On my way to trumbull with step.
I am just a damn mallrat. it's pathetic.

I'm pretty proud of myself I've done much more than I have in awhile.. I make use of my time.

I didn't complain to go to San Fran... I actually want to go to England. annnd I'm going to NYC tomarrow.. amazing. Maybe it's because noooow! it's not like I could be with someone to make me happier.. and there's no one to miss me!.. thinking back.. I had the chance to go to FL and like england and Canada but I never was interested for I had something better to do. Now, take me away.. I need to be away.

Steph and I are going to new york with moms tomarrow:).. yay. how exciting. we geet to go see the tree.. maybe ICE SKATE! chyeaaah.. and even.. maybe shop?!!?!?!?:).

I wanna go into like channel and try on dresses worth more than me:) sounds like a grand ol' time:).. yayayayyy.

(2 Don't need them | Take these memories)

[27 Dec 2003|11:38pm]

today was intense.

Soccer game was amazing. 10-2? wait no.. they stopped counting the other team once they passed 10.. go team:)

I went home, and ate? and showered.. maybe.

I then went to the movies.. and I good good movie at that. We left. bought muffins at shop right...good good muffins I must say.

I've never felt so out of place. Can't think of the word but kiiinndaaa like when your somewhere.. where you'd rather be.. but oyu know that the reason you're there doesn't want you there.. and then his friend starts yelling about how they can switch.

sorry.. I would have moved earlier.

(3 Don't need them | Take these memories)

[21 Dec 2003|01:25pm]
woah.. 4 days til christmas..

this sucks.

I don't want to feel like shit on christmas.. not again.

blahh...stupid stupid stupiddd what an ass I am..

and JESUS.. confusion's soooo the key to like being a ruthless bitch

(4 Don't need them | Take these memories)

[17 Dec 2003|11:07pm]
[ mood | so, so ]


I have been pretty peachy since I got home.. not I'm feeling eh..

checked out old old entries of mine:(.. I was so happy.. so stupid.. but so happy.

we hugged at the end tooooo:) RIGHT AFTER I WALKED INTO A CONE

I sat next to John Paul and after much effort from my friends.. he held my hand haha.. they kept like passing messages to him through the cell phone I was so embarrased.. but I guess when I went to the bathroom he told steph he was going to anyways and she was ruining it.. haha but :) I was very very happy..

 I really like him alot.. I'm really happy actually..


humbug haha.. this blows. but.. nothing I can do about it now. as of now doesn't seem like anything will change. I still don't really know anything.. he's happy now, and that's what really matters.. I don't really know if he still like considers this a break?.. or if it really was just an excuse for the moment. I guess I kind of hope he likes me still not likely buut maybe alittle?, maybe not.. I've been pretty bitchy lately.. and how I am sorry :-/ it gets harder and harder not saying like I still love him but I guess I'm trying to accept that he probably never did feel like that towards me anyways. I was gazing at this picture of us together from Jessi's house sure he looks like he wants to die.. but hey! I was hugging him.. and it felt weird seeing that.. kind of like woohoo! I used to be allowed to do that! but.. I guess time can only tell.. and it's not like I'm going anywhere soo maybe eventually I'll be somewhat clued in.


Only the best I've ever had

(Take these memories)

you're a gonnerr.. [17 Dec 2003|03:43pm]
coughs sure are a biiittchh

I feel like shit.

School sucked too.

Failed my math test.. like totally bombed it.

yet again.. I hardly slept. Somehow ..I'm up, sort of.

(2 Don't need them | Take these memories)

[16 Dec 2003|06:40pm]
my throoaatt... it itches..

my heeeaad... it hurts.

my boodddyy.. is numb.

I'm sleepy..

I hardly slept again. I woke up with an awful headache.. then I went back to sleep. and my mom made me go to first period. Then I came home in second. I slept until 2. and still I'm feeling alittle down.
This sure is terrible.

..sleeps not coming easy for awhile...

(1 Don't need them | Take these memories)

we were mearly freshman.. [15 Dec 2003|08:53pm]
[ mood | not here ]

yo.. trying to get my homework done. I went to the mall today and watch steph get her eyebrows done.. which hurt my more than her since SOMEONE SQUEEZED MY HAND SO IT TURNED PURPLE. Well, Kelly doesn't seem very good. I know shes trying to seem like she's okay.. I've been doing it too but that's just me.. Kelly seems so hurt:(.. I hope she's going to be okay.

School toootally sucked today. I felt awful and I couldn't pay attention. I was pretty much dragging myself the whole day. I began to cry in the middle of math..and science. Not exactly sure why.. but I didn't feel well at all. I hardly slept too. sooo I slept for 3 hourse today.


(5 Don't need them | Take these memories)

who's more flyy [14 Dec 2003|09:07pm]

my throat hurts and I have this bitchy cough...

I wonder if it is raining or snowing at all anymore. I am in no mood to write an essay.. noooope I'm not. it would be so super if we had like a snow day.. or even a delay! BOY.. that would be niiice:)

Today! I saw Elf once again. it's just so good.. SO SO SO GOOD. just me and kim.. yeahhh.. just me and her..

I ate a loaf of cornbread today.. it was really good.

I have yet bought any gifts.. besides for myself. selfish selfish

poppa bought me a jean vest for christmas:):):).. yes.. yes he did!:):):)

wwellll I'm feeling pretty crappy. :( and still I am confused as all hell yet to to to scared to ask for any confirmation.

(1 Don't need them | Take these memories)

[13 Dec 2003|01:35pm]
[ mood | dead ]

I feel like shit..



I have a game soon. I hate oakwood stupid stupid stupid

I want to hang out with kim later..



I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it... even though nothing else would make me feel that good.

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